PENdemonium

I had to attend a conference this week. This mainly involved me standing in front of large posters telling everyone who cared to listen, how fabulous my company is and how fantastic it's ex-pat manager is!

Anyway, as you can imagine, there weren't vast quantities of people queuing up to hear me tell them this so we decided to entice them with promotional freebies - pens, mugs, even a clock desk tidy.

Unfortunately I soon discovered this to be a very bad move. Libyans, as it turns out, are habitual hoarders. Even the appearance of a 20 pence ballpoint pen caused near pandemonium as people clamoured to own one of these precious rarities. Fiona was even forced to call for back-up after making the mistake of handing out a couple of company mugs!
Anyway, as you can imagine we met a few interesting characters. Most would talk to you just to try to get more freebies but this proved great fun if you played hard ball. Here are some of the best examples of Libyan's trying to butter me up for free stuff:

Friendly electrician wanders past:
"Hello" he says.
"Hello" I reply
"Clock, please"
"You want a clock?"
"Yes, for my baby"
"Your baby wants a clock desk tidy with matching pen and post-it notes?"
"Yes"
"That's a very intelligent baby, sir!"
"Yes. Clock."
"Fair enough - here you go."
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Big man with bag full of free stuff:
"MUG!"
"Hello sir, do you have any questions about the facilities my company can offer you and your colleagues in today's dynamic Geophysics market?"
"MUG!"
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Caterer approaches pen arrangement.
"Pen?"
"No, sorry" - I was running low and wanted to save them for clients.
( Caterer's friend approaches. He is carrying a plate full of cakes and gives it to me. )
( Caterer's friend returns with two cups and an assortment of hot drinks sachets. )
( Caterer's friend returns again with jug of boiling water and offers to pour. )
( Caterer's friend appears empty handed )
"Pen?"
"Help yourself!"
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Conference employee walks over to me.
"Hello, how are you?" he asks in broken English
"I'm fine thank you, yourself?"
"English?"
"Sorry?"
"You English? From UK?"
"Yes, I am"
"I studied at University Cardiff, 1989" he says, proudly.
"Oh really, did you enjoy it?"
"The worta in Majorca, don't taste like what it orta!" he blurts out.
"Yes .... well ... I errr ...."
"On TV innit. Waaarta Majorcaa. Funny TV!"
"Oh yes, of course!"
"Bye" (takes pen)